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Eh, I don’t know if the last two are all that accurate. Choices in the quiz were rather limiting, if you ask me.
The Keys to Your Heart
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| You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you’re told that you’re loved. |
| You’d like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful… that you’ll never change. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. |
| Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with. |
| Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
| You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. |
| In this moment, you think of love as something you don’t need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now. |
Do you hear that sound, bloglings? Like the salivating maw of an insatiable beast? Its teeth grind, its tongue lolls, it emits low, growling rumbles. It is a full, adult male Deadline, and it’s coming to get me!
The date is August 18th. The time is 8 a.m. And I have 27 pages left to write. I hope. This book keeps getting longer on me. I usually like deadlines, I do. In fact, I keep a whole nest of cubs as pets (You feed them newspaper articles every week or so). But I want this book to shimmer with perfection, and I fear that only a moderate shine of goodness will appear by August 31st. In fact, I fear that it will never achieve its platonic ideal. (“No kidding!” scoffs Sailor Boy, the philosophy major.)
(Secret) Society Girl
62713 / 70000 (89.7%)
In other news, eagle-eyed reader Max has noted that I committed the venial sin of mistaken amount and number (part of the less v. fewer battle) in my grammar post below. Alas, we all still have mountains to climb. Thanks, chica. I’ve fixed it.
A year and a half ago I completed my third manuscript, which was an incredible adventure story that somehow failed to reveal its indisputable brilliance to any but a select few – like my CPs. And, seeing how my CPS are actually quite market-savvy, I marvel that others were immune to its charms. I still believe its time will come.
But I digress. Towards the endof the writing, when I lived very heavily in what others have called “Bookworld,” I found myself taking on certain characteristics of the characters. For instance, one of the characters I was writing had a very severe phobia to birds. Like, if she saw a pidgeon, she’d go catatonic. I felt a growing unease around our feathered friends, and when Sailor Boy found himself in a rather severe altercation with a parakeet (the parakeet, sad to report, got the short end of the stick — he actually punched it for trying to make off with a chunk of Sailor Boy’s ear) I launched intoa full-fledged panic attack. Looking back on it now, I’m amused. What must that scene have appeared like to the onlooker? Sailor Boy, locked in battle with a small red pile of feathers, and his partner, standing several feet away, frozen to the spot with a look of abject horror on her face. Sad, my friend, truly sad.
Now, am closing in on the final chapters of my book. My main character trusts no one, and has good reason to be a bit on the Mulder side of paranoid. After all, there’s an international cabal of shadow government types after her. However, this is not a good time for me to stop trusting: hmmmm… my parents, Sailor Boy, my agent, my friends, my boss, the nice man who mixes my iced caramel mocha at Cosi…
I think Bookworld is hazardous to my health. 
How’s that for an ungrammatical title, my fellow officers of the grammar police?
Okay, I’m in real crunch time, so forgive me for having no posts of note.
(Secret) Society Girl
60305 / 70000 (86.15%)
See y’all when it’s over.
The life of a grammar nerd is difficult. We’re forced to grin and bear it while others “bare” it, to pretend that all this “impacting” we hear about on the nightly news isn’t giving us toothaches, and to refrain from ever using the word “forte” in spoken language, lest (not “less”) our listeners think we don’t know how to pronounce it. Which we do. It rhymes with “torte” (see usage note).
Recently, I’ve noted a disturbing rise in the number of people who use the word “penultimate” to mean “quintessential”. I have isolated two possible causes of this error: (1) that the individual meant to use “paradigmatic,” and (2) that the individual thinks, “Well, I bet ‘penultimate’ is even more ultimate than ‘ultimate.’” It isn’t. It means “next to last.” I’m totally with you when you argue that Steve McQueen is the ultimate cool. When you argue, however, that he’s the penultimate cool, I wonder who stole his crown and how you know there is no coolness beyond this usurper.
In addition, I’ve previously blogged about the travesty that is the growing popularity of using the phrase “begs the question” to mean “prompts one to ask the question.” This usage make my eyes bleed. For the love of all things holy, please stop. Can’t we make some kind of deal, here? I’m not above negotiation abd cooperation. I’ll let you say, “practically begs me to ask the question.” Will that make you happy?
There. I’ve said my piece. And now, pressure lessened, back to the grind.
Sayeth Sailor Boy, looking at my busines card: “You have your website listed on here.”
Sayeth I: “Yeah?”
“You haven’t updasted your web page since December.” (Because my web page is front page, and I no longer have access to a front-page enabled computer.) “You web page has no mention of your book, your sale, anything that has happened to you in the last eight months.”
“Well, it does have a link to my blog.”
“You need a new web page. Yesterday.”
So I made one. It’s basically just a placeholder site until I can get a real fancy nice one. But I will worry about that after deadline.
Meanwhile:
(SECRET) SOCIETY GIRL
I wrote this post a month or so ago, but some things I have read on my various email loops and heard while I was in Reno made me feel like resurrecting it today. Meanwhile, I have less than 10k words left to finishing my book. Woo hoo!
~Diana, in her Lucky brand Easy Rider perfect jeans…
_____________________________
I preface this post with a disclaimer: there are many paths into the publishing world, and even more paths once inside. None is intrinsically more or less worthy than another. My post addresses those unhappy with their path. If you are happy with your career, then I am happy for you.
My agent posted a very thought-provoking essay on her blog yesterday. Thought-provoking for me at least. It reminded me once again how well-suited we are for one another. As I ran down her list of “things your agent does” I realized that I expected each one of those things for my 15% and that she had provided them in spades (well, except for the mutant cover. but I assume she would if the need arose). I ticked off each point, and reflected upon how much I wanted that service in my writing career. Upon reading the blog post, a friend who is going through a more difficult time in her writing career reflected that the post reminded her what she should be expecting from an agent.
And then I read the comments that the post had generated, specifically the following:
Thank you once again for the informative post! You describe such undreamed-of events that I’m uncontrollably jealous of your clients. I can attest to the truth of your statement that manuscripts sent in by unknowns, even when they’re solicited on the basis of a good query/partial, can languish for over a year (try TWO years) and are then usually just packed up and sent back. Two agents who had exclusives on my work (one a ChickLit novel and one a mystery) for over a year finally e-mailed me back last month to say that “We’re sure that by now you have found an agent, and we wish you luck in your future endeavors.” The ChickLit genre is very “of the moment,” and if I don’t sell it fairly soon, the market will veer away…::snip::
What is it that Ann Landers used to say? No one can take advantage of you without your permission? Good lesson to learn, writers. Sadly, I hear stories like this every day. The truth of the matter is, this business is hard enough and filled with enough wait times, vagaries, missed oppurtunities, frauds, scams, pitfalls, wrong turns, bad terms and cloudy advice to add to it ourselves. And yet, every days, I hear of writers being their own worst enemy.
* He said if I hired this book doctor it would sell big…
* I knew the terms weren’t good but hell, it was a contract…
* She promised me they’d buy the book, so I pulled it everywhere else…
* She said she had connections in Hollywood…
* He wouldn’t tell me where he’d sent the manuscript, or who had rejected it…
* They’ve had the option/exclusive submission for two years…
These are horror stories the likes of which probably keep both Stephen King and Dean Koontz up nights, shivering in their hundred-dollar pjs. Come on, people! Be your own advocate! (By the way, I agree with Knight that it’s best to have an agent be your bulldog, so that you don’t come across like a diva. If he/she is doing all your arguing and demanding, you and your editor just get to have happy little conversations about whether or not the body should be found at the end of chapter three or the beginning of chapter four, and what oh what to do about that semicolon on page 53. When I want to talk book, I talk to my editor. when I want to talk contract and career-strategy, I talk to my agent). But even if you don’t have an agent, that doesn’t mean that you should let the industry walk all over you.
Here are a few rules to live by:
1. If an option specifies a time period, give them that time period, and then remind them that it’s up. If you don’t get a pretty immediate response, pull the submission.
2. Never give anyone an exclusive for longer than 6-8 weeks. Period. Check up with them at the end of their exclusive, and remind them that it *is* at an end.
3. Find out what the going rate is at that house for a work of your type (not impossible in this day and age of google, publisher’s marketplace, Show Me the Money, and others), and negotiate for it.
4. If someone is claiming connections/sales/experience, *verify* it (see above for some ways to do so). The chances that an agency website will actually proclaim that they are Dan Brown and Nora Robert’s agent without being so is pretty slim. They’d get caught and have their asses kicked in cyber-seconds. Harder to pin down are those agencies that claim sales but don’t list clients or specifics. When you get an offer, get some names of clients and contact them. If they like their agent (or even if they don’t) they’re usually happy to talk about it.
5. Be professional in all things. That doesn’t just mean that you should use business form in the letter and not talk about how much your Great-Aunt Sarah liked your book. It also means that if you get a form rejection, you don’t take it personally and/or fire off a nasty response about the editor/agent’s mother and her choice of footwear. It also means that if your agent, — who is your employee — is ignoring you, you call them and require answers, that if your editor has forgotten you and your option manuscript exist, you stand up for yourself and ask her about your future place in that company.
6. Don’t be desperate.
7. Don’t be desperate.
8. Don’t be desperate.
9. DON’T BE DESPERATE.
10. Above all, DON’T BE DESPERATE!!!
Scammers can smell desperation on you like a shark can smell blood. Editors and agents sense it, and steer clear. After all, if you were an editor or agent, would you want a writer who came limping to their doors, hat in hand, begging for a few pitiful scraps of attention, or a professional writer who is aware of her worth (not egotistical, but confident) who presents her book as a worthwhile and marketable project? Hmmm, let’s think.
My critique partner Cheryl says that as women, we are often raised to think of our work as less valuable, and are hesitant to ask for or fight for the things that we want. I surround myself with strong women, so I wouldn’t have believed it true if I hadn’t spent the last few years watching it happen in this business. If you can’t be your own advocate, then the best agent in the world isn’t going to be able to drum into your head how you should be treated. Editors, no matter how nice they are, work for the publisher, not you. If they suspect that you’ll take a pittance, that’s what they’ll give you.
This is a very hard, if not straight-up impossible business. Sailor Boy reminds me on a bi-weekly basis that no one actually gets to be a novelist (I think he wants to make sure that our apartment doors remain intact). The industry comes with built-in disappointments and despair. When you write novel after novel, and are met with rejection after rejection, it becomes difficult to believe. After a while, you’ll cling to anyone or anything that can validate all the time you’ve spent, and the belief you’ve had. It’s a relief. But I’m telling you, folks. Don’t give in to the desperation. You’re worth more than that.
1. Finally ended the Great Jeans Quest of 2005 by finding the perfect pair today: dark indigo, boot cut, mid-rise, and, most importantly, 100% cotton. I am so so so so happy. You have no idea how long I have been looking for these jeans. I will never take them off. I will wear them under my other clothes to work. I’m in love!
Also, I am too skinny. I need to eat more. I will not tell you what size these jeans were, but I will reveal that they are my usual size divided in two. Now, I will admit that the first step down is probably due to this size-inflation thing that’s been going on lately (I can’t be the only one noticing this, right?), but the other step — that’s me not eating enough pasta. So I had a burger tonight, and fries. Am not willing to lose my big fat J-Lo butt.
2. Made my first bid on eBay. Was outbid almost immediately. Made my second, third, fourth, fith, sixth and seventh. Outbid x 7. Decided I hated eBay.
3. Wrote a LOT on my book. A lot a lot. I’m at the climax now.
(Secret) Society Girl
57696 / 70000 (82.4%)
4. Opened up a new, business bank account with my first fiction-writing paycheck. Feel so official right now.
In other news, my agent, Deidre Knight, who is also a writer of science fiction romance for Berkley, just received her first cover, and it’s extraordinary. Look here. Purty, huh?
Try this look at what people are willing to pay for a thirty page critique by a top agent. (In passing, what is the cutoff for a “top agent? Is there a specific definition for that term?) Personally, I’m just happy someone has that many semolians to donate to Marianne. Winter’s coming on soon, and that girl is going to need a new wool coat up in Boston!
And finally, also from the eBay fire fund auction, a limited-edition (Secret) Society Girl black hoodie. Only 17 like it in the known universe. The second it was listed, the bids hit $20 bucks. Watch out, Steve Axelrod! ::vbg::
Taken from Marjorie M. Liu (whom I did NOT meet in Reno). Copy the categories, answer, and add your own category at the end.
Best fictional character to…
… be at your side after the apocalypse: Kyle from The Terminator, natch.
… be at your side fighting a war: Aeryn Sun from Farscape. Or Gandalf. It worked out well for those Middle Earth dudes.
… take over the world with: Galadriel (I know she’s got it in her!)
… run your country with: Professor Xavier
… be stuck on a desert island with: Duh. MacGyver.
… marry, grow old and have children with: Mr. Darcy
… wander the wilderness with: Ayla
… sail the seven seas with: Captain Wentworth! Alternately, the Count of Monte Cristo.
… be your mad scientist: Crake, if I can control him…
… carry you off across his/her horse into the sunset: King Arthur
… watch a baseball game with: Huckleberry Finn
… go dancing with: Johnny from Dirty Dancing
… lead a secret society with: I did *not* come up with this one, but AMY, of course!
and mine
… tell your secrets to: Remus Lupin
Okay. As you were.
Wait, do I have to tag someone? Fine, I tag Natalie, to give her something to obsess over other than eBay!
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