Dear Health,
I miss you. I’m not accustomed to your absence. Your replacement, Sickliness, is not my kind of character, if you know what I mean. Since your abrupt departure, he’s made himself the most inconvenient houseguest. The place is a mess, and I’m positive he’s responsible. Plus, he’s devoured all my healthy food, and my unhealthy food, and is always in the way when I want to go out to buy more. He’s distracting me from my work, and he’s even trying the patience of Sailor Boy. And, not to put too fine a point on it, but I didn’t expect my Kleenex and Tylenol budget to be quite so high this year.
I don’t think I appreciated you when you were around. What can I do to bring you back? I’ve made myself as attractive as possible: lots of sleep, loads of liquids, washing hands with plenty of hot water and antibacterial soap. I know you like ginger tea. I’m all stocked up. I even made homemade chicken noodle soup: your favorite. It’s almost gone now and you still aren’t back.
You should know me well enough by now to realize that I’m no good without you. You make the winter less dark and dreary, the cold weather less acute, and the night time more… restful.
Unlike my new companion, you never force me to put nasty chemicals like acetaminophen and ibuprofen into my bloodstream.
Come back to me, my darling. We’ll have so much fun together. I promise I’ll eat more veggies, and drink less caffeine. I’ll exercise. Whatever it takes. I need you.
Pathetically yours,
Diana’s Body
January 30th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Hah! I can’t tell you how many times I want to tell my health, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I mean it this time, no more sugar! No more dairy! I’ll be GOOOOOOD!”
I really hope you feel better soon! I’m with you, unfortunately, with a sore throat. I wish I knew how to make homemade chicken noodle soup!
January 30th, 2007 at 7:10 am
ahhh..I hope you feel better soon.
January 30th, 2007 at 7:56 am
LOL Ditto! I think your health and my health must be on vacation somewhere together. I keep hoping that I might receive a postcard telling me that he will return one day. I miss him so much. *blows nose*
January 30th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Is that contagious?
January 30th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Oh, so sorry. My good health only comes back after zicam.
January 30th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Wait ’til you hit your 40’s. Every visit to the doctor includes one more test. Every morning is a challenge to see what’s fallen, sore, not feeling good, twitching, in need of medication or a hair growing from some weird place. LOL!!
B12 and Coconut Oil seems to be my mother’s remedy for all that ail’s you.
Hope you’re feeling better soon. Water…remember…lots and lots of water.
= )
January 30th, 2007 at 9:02 am
Sorry to see you’re feeling crappy. For the chemical route, try Alka Seltzer Cough and Cold, Theraflu, or :gasp: Nyquil. If you’re non-chemical, then Vitamin C and Zinc. (Plus Sleepytime Tea always works for me.)
Good luck, and I hope you kick the crap out of Sickliness soon. (As long as he doesn’t come knocking on my door.)
PS. You don’t have to wait until your 40s. I feel that way most of the time now and I have a few years to go. ;o)
January 30th, 2007 at 9:31 am
I ran and took a huge amount of vitamin C as soon as I read your post LOL.
Hope your good health comes back too.
January 30th, 2007 at 10:14 am
I hope your health doesn’t have a P.O. Box, because you can’t overnight to one of those.
(((Diana)))
I’ve been feeling so much better since I quit buying soda pop. I don’t allow it in the house anymore, and only drink the occasional soda if there isn’t an alternative when eating out. I have a lot of allergies, and even they’ve shown some improvement with this change. My new drink of choice is Gatorade’s Propel Fitness Water. Has vitamin C and a lot of the B’s for energy.
If you need any extra kleenex, I’m a good contact. I could probably insulate my house with my personal supply.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Feel better! I know how you feel…I miss my health too.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Diana, this may be my favorite blog entry of yours EVER.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:35 am
robin, i’m appalled by your rejoicing at my condition. appalled.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Such a bummer. If only I could send you homemade chicken soup along with my bookmarks and lollipops. I know you already made yourself some, but I feel there’s something inherently wrong with making soup for yourself when you’re sick.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Hop a plane and head for a sunny climate. It’s that dreary place you’re living, no doubt. You need some time in sunny Florida to recover. Plus, then you could get some TLC from your mom — no substitute for that. It’s chilly here in St. Pete at the moment, but the sun is blissfully shining.
Hope you’re feeling better soon, Diana. And Marley, you’re 40? I’d have guessed 35, tops. Your B12 and Coconut oil must be working, lol.
January 30th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Lines to Diana’s Health
Where art thou, Diana’s health?
Hast thou stol’n away by stealth?
Shame on thee; thou quit’st thy post
When Diana needs thee most.
Thou art absent without leave,
Which really doth us sorely peeve
Who are her friends; we need her rays
Of wit and warmth to cheer our days.
Without our Di our lives are dreary,
Tiresome, boring, long, and weary;
Canst thou not, for pity’s sake,
Find some means to undertake
To leave thy waywardness behind
And to Diana to be kind?
For if thou wilt, thou kind, sweet health
We will offer you the wealth
Of all our praises; sure was ne’er
A guerdon higher nor so fair
On offer from a band so filled
With talent literary, skilled
In blogging, prose, romance, and rhyme,
As those of us who spend our time
Courting the muses day by day,
Reading Di’s blog along the way.
Then come, return to her anon,
Let all our misery be gone;
Take up thy post again, and we
Will sing thy praises joyously;
For thy past absence make amends:
Thus beg we all –
/s/ Diana’s friends
January 30th, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Oh, buhrother. As if.
What I mean is this is so funny and eloquent and original, dealing with something we can all relate to, but in a fresh, charming way.
I just wrote a blurb for your post. Go ahead and use it.
January 30th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
And if he comes back to you…don’t you ever take him for granted again. Do special things for him. Court him all over again. The two of you can fall in love all over again and be together forever.
Good luck.
January 30th, 2007 at 2:52 pm
oh that’s not pretty, get well soon!
January 30th, 2007 at 3:05 pm
Whoa, marley…I wouldn’t have put you a day over about 33 or 34 at the most.
January 30th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
You ladies make me blush. = )
Oh, Diana…one word for you: Airborne. The stuff rulz!!! And it works.
January 30th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Feel better, Diana!
Steph
January 30th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Aww. Please feel better soon! And tell Sickliness where to stuff it.
(Although your letter put me in mind of a return letter.
“Dear Diana’s body,
I’ll come back to you when D.C. isn’t quite so cold and unforgiving. Currently I am vacationing in Barbados with a poor old man having his third childhood. Humor Sickliness a little bit longer. Thanks. You’re a doll.
Love usually,
Health.”)
I think your health is trying to pull my health along with it, though – it’s here, it’s gone, it’s back again…
40’s? (Miri makes a shocked face here.) I’d like to hit my 30’s with everything in working order. *pulls yet another Kleenex*
January 30th, 2007 at 8:15 pm
Marley, regarding your comment about the 40s, a few days ago my reading glasses fell off my head as I was flushing the toilet. They’re gone!
Good thing they were only $18.
Cindy
January 30th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
Diana, so sorry you’re sick!
January 30th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Diana, you crack me up. If that works, let me know ’cause I’m going to have to send chocolates and roses to my back to get it to come back.
Phyllis, I have to say, I was just in Tampa last week and about froze my tootie off! I purposefully didn’t take a coat with me and boy was I sorry!!
Miami on Monday, though, that was nice. Although I think that’s where my back decided to stay come to think of it…
January 30th, 2007 at 10:11 pm
Not that this will make you feel better, but I just got over a nasty bout with Sick that included such joys as Violent Chills. I’m finally down to a Sporadic Cough.
Meanwhile the Boy (who is the original reason for The Sick) has gotten worse again.
January 30th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Aw, feel better soon, Diana. I’m sure health will read your letter and dash back on bended knee. Hope Sailor Boy doesn’t get too jealous.
January 30th, 2007 at 11:56 pm
I must unlurk for this one–Poor you! I am with you on this. With my last pregnancy I was sick with bronchitis the entire time, yes nine long months, and it was miserable. The baby is 6 months now and I’m finally feeling like my old self.
Plus, I loved the blog essay.
Bella