Right now, I sound like the chick from the Exorcist. I spent most of yesterday in bed, snuggled up with a gorgeous redhead.
“What, mommy? Your nose is stuffed up? Is it filled with mud, like mine? I was digging er, working in the garden. Are you sick? Do you wanna cuddle?”
Anyway, I’m far too sick to properly respond to this ridiculous assertion of Maureen Johnson’s, in which she compares unicorns to her broken bathtub drain. She also links to Lauren Myracle’s recent video defending unicorns. This is it:
Now, I’m sure Lauren Myracle is a very nice person (as much as John Green assures his highly trained corps of killer nerdfighters that I must be a very nice person), and she certainly seems to have quite a bit of time on her hands, what with the video-making and all — but she’s kind of missing the point. One is never going to win the zombies v unicorn debate by focusing on the mystical, sparkly, magical attributes of unicorns.
Unicorners: “Oh, unicorns, they’re so pretty!”
Zombites: “Yeah, but zombies will eat your braaaaaaaaaaaaains!”
It’s a losing argument. We gotta turn the page on this sparkly thing. Unicorns are tough. Who do they hang out with? Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great. Genghis Khan. Robocop:
Clearly, we’re looking at a creature that can easily overcome the relentless, drone-like abilities of the mindless dead. Unicorns have strength, power, military acuity, a ton of endorsements from some seriously scary warlords, and, as if that weren’t enough, a big sharp horn right at brain-piercing height that can easily overcome any zombie long before they get into biting range.
No contest, really.
Anyway, that’s the argument I’d be making if I weren’t to sick to do anything but stagger, zombie-like, back to bed. Here, Rio!
November 13th, 2008 at 8:48 am
You’d think that with that horn there, that their general skull integrity would be higher.
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November 13th, 2008 at 9:44 am
I hope you are feeling better soon, D.
Eat some soup.
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November 13th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Diana, I think you’re doing an admirable job defending yourself, but just in case, I went to Maureen’s blog and defended you, too. It was hard, because I love Maureen’s books as much as I love yours, but my love for unicorns won out in the end.
Get better, and enjoy Rio’s cuddling. =)
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November 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
You might try this old home cold remedy: Mix together equal amounts honey, lemon juice, and bourbon. It really soothes the throat, and if you dose yourself with enough of it, you won’t care that you have a cold.
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