That would like me to “partner” with them in their blogging endeavors, who have invited me to become a “contributor” to their blog, who would like me to “collaborate with them” to sell their product, and who wish for me to take “unique advantage” of their “very special offer” to get in on “the hottest new trend-setting” scheme, all because they so love my blog, attention:
No.
And you know what? I don’t believe you that you really like my blog, either. Liars.
Here’s a few guidelines, in case you are questioning whether or not I’d be interested in contributing/partnering/what-have-you-ing to your website or blog:
*If I have never before visited your website or blog, the chances are very, very slim that I wish to contribute to it. I can understand you wanting to make sure, however, because, hey, there are lurkers out there, and there is no way, for instance, for the nice girls at Go Fug Yourself to know if I’ve been there, since they don’t have comments.
* If I never before heard of your website or blog, nor any of the people involved in it, the chances are exactly zero.
* If the purpose of your website or blog is to sell scam publishing techniques, then the chances are get the hell out of my office. You clearly haven’t been reading my blog at all, though you supposedly love it so.
* If the reason given that I would be so fascinated to contribute/partner with your website or blog is that it “draws people from every level of the book publishing industry, drawing “hundreds or even thousands” of visitors daily who will “see your articles on a regular basis and enjoy your style and the substance of your expertise … become familiar with your writing, your expert reputation, and your marketing platform,” for the purpose of somehow inducing an agent or publisher to pick me up, then doubly no. Especially if I’ve never heard of your website, nor any of the current contributors, who are, as far as I can tell, micro or self-published.
This particular entreaty came with enormous, several-megabyte graphics, as well as an sales pitch that sounded to me like Martin Landau’s character’s catchphrase on Entourage:
Wouldn’t it be great if you sent a manuscript to a publisher or an agent and they responded with, “I’m familiar with your work on [Website Redacted], so I took the time to go over your manuscript. Let’s talk.” Wow! Your articles on [Website Redacted] DO have the PR potential to do that for you! Doesn’t that sound like something you’re interested in?
I don’t get it. They went on and on about what a great blog I had, and somehow missed the fact that I already have an agent, and, should I be in the market for a new agent or publisher, I think they’d probably be more interested in the content and sales figures of my actual books, the ones that are in bookstores I’ve heard of, rather than an article on a website I’ve never heard of.
* If the purpose of your website or blog is to sell a product (especially one that has no connection to my work or blog), then I’m not interested. Sorry. I’m sure your sex toys are top-rate. Still not interested. This blog is not an advertising tool. Do you see Google AdWords on here? When I talk about a product on this blog, it’s because I love the product, not because someone paid me to do it. And that still wouldn’t be about sex toys, because, guys, my mom reads this. And my mother-in-law. I’ve got parents coming out of the woodwork here. Cut it out.
Does that clear things up? Good. As you were.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:48 am
This is hilarious!! Thanks for starting my morning off with a good laugh.
BTW, the initial reason I followed your lead in using the scrambled letters option was precisely in order to stop the spammers in their tracks. Would you say that the upsurge in spam solicitations is a result of your dropping the scrambled letters, or of some other factor?
Of course, my use of the filter means I don’t get to hear about all the latest come-ons, or sex toys, or whatever, but from what you say, I’m not missing much.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:57 am
You should put Google Adwords on your Blog.
To, ya know, supplement your travel funds. Anybody who’s anybody has Google Adwords.
BTW: Don’t flame me, I’m kidding as I am serious. And of all the ads, Google’s is the least annoying.
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:14 am
Bill, I don’t think the scrambled letters have anything to do with these. That’s just bots leaving comments on your blog, which I haven’t seen much of recently (knock wood). These are emails.
Caesars, tell you what, you can try to talk me into it over dinner next week. But you aren’t making any case for that sex toy site by being here, let me tell you!
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
Ugg, I hate spammers! Are they multiplying like crazy or what? :/
January 23rd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Great post, Diana — spam is so annoying.
Appreciated the link to Go Fug Yourself, tho — fun website. Did they actually spam you? Looks like they legitimately run ads, and have a following.
January 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 am
Oh no, Phyllis! They didn’t spam me. I was just using them as an example of a site I visit regularly, bu they don’t know I visit it regularly, since I don’t leave comments there.
January 23rd, 2008 at 11:44 am
Oh, great post, Diana. I get these too, though you can include in my spam emails from people who have “read” my blog that they’re SURE I want to try out the next product (for a small fee) or send my friends to a playdate organized in NY. Yes, I get mommy-blogger spam. But that’s not all…
I also get the publishing industry spam. Let us edit your books for you (uh, that’s what I get paid to do. If I let you do it, I won’t have a job). Don’t you want to do a link exchange because we think your company (name misspelled) is awesome and we love your blog.
And…I also get the emails from the sex toy websites, wanting to do reverse linking.
What’s really fun is that since I get the email for the contact form at the Samhain Publishing blog, I sometimes get these emails twice: once for my personal blog and once for the Samhain blog. Yay me.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Can I just say I’m glad I’m not the only one getting this kind of spam? I actually was spammed by some kind of gun & ammo site for a while and that was kind of freaky! Guess when you write murder mysteries you should expect that lol!
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:38 pm
This is funny and timely.
I was just having a discussion with someone about group blogs. Where they wanted me to “recruit” other authors and start a group blog.
But one, I’m not comfortable with doing that. Two, I have 2 e-books out but I’m still an unknown. Though it would be a good way to build a web presence to have a “big name author here” insert.
I think it’s also having the potential to backfire and create a negative buzz.
Yes I’m being chicken and posting anonymous cause I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if the recognize themselves.
January 23rd, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I feel so unloved that I don’t get spam!
Ah well…
January 23rd, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I can’t count all the spam I get at my email on a daily basis. Lately, it’s been “Your true love” crapola. I guess I should be thankful that I don’t have them latched onto my blog yet.
Very well put though. And I know what you meant about parents! My mom reads mine too! sheessh
January 23rd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
So far *knock on wood* I haven’t had a problem with spammers on my blog.
Instead, I apparently have a large number of relative in Nigera who have been killed in plane crashes and political coups because I have been inundated with emails from some high powered barristers telling me they would like to work with me to claim my money for a small fee.
January 23rd, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Angela, I’m intrigued by the editing ones you get… proof indeed that they have NO IDEA who they are talking to!
Wendy, I may be mildly intrigued by the guns and ammo folks — at least enough to open up a dialogue. You know, for research purposes…
Anonymous, I think that’s a different sort of story. Chances are, anyone you ask to be part of your group blog is going to be someone you’ve at least SPOKEN to before, right? I don’t consider that spam. I may do it or I may not, but it’s not coming from a stranger who I suspect is sending me a form email they’ve sent to three hundred other writer blogs.
And I don’t think where the folks are out in their publishing career has much of a bearing on the value of the blog. For instance, I love the Manuscript Mavens blog and I think only Jackie (small press) and Carrie (debut with RH in ‘09) have any contracts in the works. But it’s a great blog, full of smart writers having interesting discussions.
I’m so bad at group blogging, though! I couldn’t find a computer abroad in time to send out my last RTB post, I barely ever post at FFF, and I slacked all through the holidays at Sven. I feel so bad. At least when I slack here, I’m not letting anyone else down.
Carrie, keep plugging, and one day, you too may get the spam. If you like, I can pass along your email. Personally, I’m jealous of Wendy’s gun spam.
Diana, I’ve got moms, brothers, old crushes from college, editor’s bosses…. there’s a lot of things to think about. For instance, if one writes YA, should one discuss sex toys on one’s blog? Choices, choices…
Dragonfly, are we cousins? I have those SAME relatives. I think it’s time for a reunion in Nigeria!
January 23rd, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Do your moms want to join my new group blog about sex toys?
January 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Hi Diana,
Bill told us you said something nice about the Mavens blog over here, so of course, I had to come and see for myself. And blush!
We’re so happy you (and others, apparently) enjoy our blog. And I agree–writing and publishing is a journey, not a destination, so where you are along the way isn’t all that relevant to the value of the insights you can provide. (Wow, is that as profound as it sounded when I wrote it? Hmmmm, sounds like a blog topic to me…)
See ya at the Mavens!
January 25th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
LOL! If only they would listen to you, on behalf of all of us…
January 30th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
So, what’s wrong with being mico-or-self published? A whole lot of famous writers started out self-publishing. I totally get the “don’t spam me” issue, but… to pick on little publishing houses, and those who choose to self-publish seems a bit harsh.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Yvonne, I’m not picking on anyone. However, I think the needs and interests of the micro and self-published are VASTLY different than the needs of those published by NY conglomerates, and I think it speaks to the unsuitability of anything I have to say being useful or of interest to them, and vice versa. I have never had any interest in self-publishing, wouldn’t know the first thing about it, and I don’t visit those sites.
For instance, one of the big concerns of a self-published author is distribution of books. I don’t deal with that at all. Wouldn’t know the first thing about it, nor about finding good cover or interior designers, nor about anything else that concerns self-publishers.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:18 pm
An author friend of mine used to have a blog where she posted about her book. her site only recently came down, so she got an email that sounds incredibly close to what you got diana. she was mad about it, emailed a complaint to them, and she got a reply. apparently they weren’t trying to sell her anything. they are just trying to find people who are willing to share advice. i don’t think their spammers, but you never know. food for thought.